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PickUp

by PickUp

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1.
You've got a pristine set, of figurines of Boba Fett You're the biggest fan in the universe With your long lightsaber, I'll be your slave Leia And unlike Han you never shoot first Nerds, nerds, nerds are sexy Your numbers are tight, you can roleplay all night This dungeon’s gonna get messy Slay an army of trolls with your critical rolls Alignment: lawful sexy Nerds, nerds, nerds are sexy Set phasers to fun, speak fluent Klingon You're quite the cunning linguist Broke the prime directive, with the borg collective, well Assimilate me with your kiss Nerds, nerds, nerds are sexy Because they care about the little things They memorise the little things They investigate the little things And, well, I’ve got a little thing We can do a little thing With your little thing Oh, wait... it’s not little. If anything it’s above average Please stop crying Nerds, nerds, nerds are sexy Because nerds love unashamedly Nerds love things exclusively And what’s more exciting than passion And if pleasing me’s what you do methodically I can’t wait to see a nerd in action W my A and I’ll S your D You can hit me with your no-scope-headshot You don’t need a manual to learn my combos Oh no, all you have to do is press: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start Finish me! ‘Cause nerds are Sexy!
2.
Go to Sleep 05:01
Shhhhh Go to sleep, go to sleep Pretty stranger, it’s 3am, the night is done Go to sleep, please go to sleep It was nice to meet you, this was fun We danced all night but here’s the sun In the battle of stamina you’ve won You’re wide awake but I am almost dead Will you go to sleep if i give you head? Shhhh Please be quiet, put that away I don’t think that’s what socialism means Please be quiet, I have neighbours You can’t base your whole argument on memes If I just rest my eyes will your heart sink? If I ask you to leave now will you cause a stink? We were grinding on the dancefloor getting close And we wanted to take off each other’s clothes And then we took an Uber back to mine But while talking in the back I changed my mind So now I sit here plying you with goon Thinking how to get you out my room Go to sleep, go to sleep So even though it makes you feel quite cheap If I fuck you will you finally go to sleep?
3.
Sex is Funny 04:00
Things are getting steamy You moan and sigh beneath me We’re rubbing all my favourite body parts I’m trying not to shout Bent over your mum’s couch Then I let out a noisey fanny fart So, this one time, I was having sex with this girl, and she made me cum so hard I shat on her Silly noises in the night I want to laugh out my delight I want to fuck you fearlessly But you look at me so seriously I want to get you off but, honey Why can’t you admit that sex is funny We’re a moaning writhing stack In the rear of your hatchback The tiny seats ensure your cock looks massive But your dick slipped to the side Couldn’t get you back inside And i’m worried that my laughter’s made you flaccid This one time I was having sex and right at the end I managed to jizz on my own face Rose petals on the sheets Marvin Gaye is on repeat I want to fuck you fearlessly But you look at me so seriously I want to get you off but, honey Why can’t you admit that sex is funny Why is it your mission To try fifteen positions Blood rushing to my brain and I can’t breathe Your shirt’s stuck on your head We’ve fallen on the bed And then we have to deal with skinny jeans Pant-removingly awesome solo You don’t have to try so hard You don’t have to play a part Everything will be alright We can laugh and fuck all night Silly noises in the night I want to laugh out my delight Everything will be alright We can laugh and fuck all night I want to get you off but, honey First please admit that sex is funny Sex is funny Sex is funny Sex is funny
4.
How do I know if you like me ?
5.
Wake in the morning, drink some water have a pee Looking in the mirror, sizing everything I see Where’s the sex appeal in looking like teletubbies? If I hit the gym how much more beautiful I’d be Happiness is the result of counting calories Could there be a simpler way to be who I wanna be? TEQUILA! Let’s weigh the pros and cons of options A and B Even after workouts I feel like Steve Buscemi But I feel like a Hemsworth when I’ve had a beer or three I have a choice of how to find my confidence I could hit the gym or hit the club the answer’s common sense Don’t gym, tequila. Don’t gym, tequila. Don’t gym, tequila. Don’t gym: TEQUILA! Because, you know, it goes the other way too, right? The more you go to the gym, the more you just end up seeing everybody else around you as, like, fat and lazy and slobbish and unable to take care of themselves at the most basic of levels but... But, if you have one shot of tequila, everyone else looks great. Living large is living fine, I’m better in 3D Let’s all have a round of shots and then you should call me How about you me and him have a menage-a-three? I have a choice of how to find my confidence I could hit the gym or hit the pub the answer’s common sense Don’t gym, tequila. Don’t gym, tequila. Don’t gym, tequila. Don’t gym: TEQUILA!
6.
She landed at my party like a swan into a lake And the way she lit the dancefloor up was more than I could take Then she led me to a corner Where we both could be alone And when her lips touched mine I got the most impressive bone And then we went and made love Like two animals in heat We moaned that night so loudly They must have heard us up the street And our pornstar performance Was at least 6 hours long But when I woke up the next morning she was gone And she is everything I need She is everything I think of from now on And I will hunt through this whole city if I need But she’s gone, my lady is gone I didn’t get her number And she didn’t leave a note And none of my friends knew her When I told my anecdote And, of course, it didn’t help things That I had forgot her name But I promise you I’ll find my missing mistress just the same ‘Cause she is everything I need She is everything I search for from now on And I will hunt through this whole city if I need But she’s gone, my lady is gone Now I know I won’t recognise her face amongst a crowd And I know it sounds a bit strange when I say it out aloud But her pussy fits my penis like a hand fits in a glove So I’ll fuck every girl I meet until I find my love ‘Cause she is everything I need She’s the reason I use Tinder from now on And I will fuck through this whole city if I need But she’s gone I’m searching pubs, clubs, cafes and restaurants. I’m searching universities and retirement homes. I’m searching everywhere except Dandenong. I’m knocking on doors, so answer in your underwear. I’m sending letters and emails, so prepare your inbox! Women of Australia get ready, because I’m coming. I’m coming! And she is everything i need She’s the reason I make albums from now on And I will fuck through this whole city if I need But she’s gone My pussy is gone
7.
Fun Things 02:57
Hope you strangers enjoyed our show We’re the ones who’ve done it all, you know Standing up or on my back I’m a diagnosed nymphomaniac And I’m living, and I’m living, and I’m living the dream I’ve had threesomes, had sex in swings I’ve done all the fun things Fucked in hot tubs, swapped some nudes Fucked at weddings using finger foods I’ve been a fireman, I’ve been a nurse I’ve fucked in planes, boats, trains and a hearse And I’m living, and I’m living, and I’m living the dream I’ve had threesomes, had sex in swings I’ve done all the fun things I’ve made home films, I’ve broken springs I’ve done all the fun things Mind-Melting Solo of Awesomeness I’ve been pegged, I’ve been tied up I’ve re-enacted two girls and one cup Clocked karma sutra, I’ve played with piss I rimmed a cop in my psychiatrist’s office And I’m living, and I’m living, and I’m living the dream I’ve had threesomes, had sex in swings I’ve done all the fun things I’ve made home films, I’ve worn cockrings I’ve done all the fun things Done 50 Shades ‘till my arse stings I’ve done all the fun things So I could reach: removed two ribs I’ve done all the fun things

about

Debut album by the rock comedy duo, PickUp.

Melbourne’s cutest smut merchants combine original songs, dazzling guitar licks & brilliant electric ukulele, to have you admit that sex is funny.

credits

released January 3, 2018

Colin Craig
Alia Vryens

Recorded at Last Match Recordings with Christopher Sprake.

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about

PickUp Melbourne, Australia

PickUp is Alia Vryens and Colin Craig, singing funny rock songs about sex and dating with a feminist bent.

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